The words hurt, leave invisible scars. And what you need to know and we need to keep in mind is that anyone who mistreats you, all batterer wants to feel that he has power over you. Then you put the bait and gives you where it hurts you. Maybe you passed someone insulted you and you kept quiet and walked away, then thought , “Why did not say this, why not speak to you? that rage that I have … “
How does the batterer the bait – ? There are two ways, the first is to exploit “But who you think you are!”, “You’re the worst!” So, you get angry and get into your game and then lost. And the other way is to keep quiet, say nothing and then you swallow your anger and explode inside and can get sick.
But there is a way to get rid of this and increase your self – esteem is called assertive behavior, there are many techniques concerning this, some very funny. The important thing is not to catch , one technique is to reveal the abuse, that is to expose abuse, say “You mistreat me” but “I feel abused.”
Another way is called “Closing Statement”, the closing phrase refers to when a partner or someone insults you raise your hand looking into the eyes and say “Do not talk like I do not like” and leave. Ie put a damper on the floor and not get caught. So we put a limit on the word saying that in those terms you do not you dialogue. By putting limits you take care of yourself.
Another way to control abuse and increase your self – esteem is humor, only people with good self – esteem can laugh at himself. So when you say any nonsense like “You are being hair falling” One answer may be “No, I face is growing.” “You’re silly means” in response “Good Monday’m half silly, but Tuesday I ‘m stupid to complete.” And this is a way to show that you do not you get involved in that.
Sometimes you have to ignore a deaf ear and let go. Sometimes we have to withdraw, but the most important is as we have said previously hooked to the situation . Emotional intelligence is knowing what the best reaction to a particular situation, ie that one does not go with the book and is applying a technique.
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Hugs,
Elias Berntsson
(Source: Bernardo Stamateas)