Love … or Attachment? |
Many people claim to love someone with all the strength of his being, but what kind of love they mean? Or rather: what is the concept we have of love?
When you want to be all the time with the other person, morning, noon and night, leaving a space reserved for each and in addition to this space, fearing at all times to lose that person, it is attachment and not love . It is believed to be love, but it is not, at least not a healthy or mature love; what is addiction and dependence fund is therefore low tolerance to frustration and unhappiness.
It is possible that the other will supply the gaps themselves who have and this is what the clerk looking (so usually unconscious) because he does not believe he can for himself and has low self-esteem, which leads to seek love and security outside it.
On the contrary, providing quality means promoting love freedom, that freedom to breathe the world itself, not to suffocate impositions or the list of “shoulds” with the other invade us; freedom, of course responsible for taking charge of what you say, think, feel and do not blame the other nor be “chest beating” himself.
It is therefore very important to maintain the balance between the “you”, “I” and “us” not to lose on the other. This is what happens when there is attachment: the boundaries are blurred and the other is lost in the person from whom depends affectively, ie forgets that is an individual with ability to thrive and be happy for yourself . Confounds “share” happiness with usufructuarla or demand it also is demanding all the time and if attention is not given to the way you want, you do not feel satisfied and even, it feels incomplete.
A person who does has managed to cultivate a healthy love is who loves herself, believes in his abilities, not implores love anyone (this will come naturally), trusts the other from self-confidence, it rejoices effortless teaches while learning, daydreams, offers the best of itself, love inspires you and your engine to get everything you crave.
Strengthen the healthy and loving bond in a relationship requires first and foremost identify whether being presented in the couple and / or self attachment, for this, it would suffice to ask the following questions:
Do I have repetitive thoughts where my partner left me for someone else ?, Somehow I feel that if my partner comes away from me, no longer have felt my life ?, Is there nothing that interests me more than my partner even my hobbies, my goals, my tastes became hobbies, goals and tastes that my partner has ?, I feel distress or anxiety when for some reason unable to communicate quickly with my partner or does not answer my calls ?, do I have trouble accepting the idea that one day has different plans to be with me (for example, meet with your family, get together to do a job with peers, etc.) ?, If I noticed my partner bad mood, I immediately think something I did wrong and if delayed reconciled with me, ends weaken my appetite, my concentration and my dream?
The more are the questions you’ve answered yes, the higher your level of addiction or dependence and lower your self-esteem. So, insecurity grows like a vicious circle unsatisfactory results and believing you get someone not valuable enough to be worthy of love.
So the invitation is to rethink the concept of love you have. Note that if you were taught to love, now you can choose to open your eyes to see love as a dance where you need to dance to the music and the rhythm harmoniously join with the other. If you pull roughly to one side or if you impose a step that the other does not like, no way to enjoy and it may happen that the other prefers to withdraw from the dance floor or hold it until you no longer can more mechanically dancing without they are without taste.
Also, sometimes confused love someone to be accustomed to that person, either because they carry a lot of time together or because a routine that is preferred to the “known evil than an unknown good” anyway … begins takes to recognize whether love or custom, love or attachment and dependency exists in your relationship. To give and receive love quality, mature love, you need to first work on ourselves, go inside, find the natural beauty we have, love every aspect of our being, aligning ourselves with the best that characterizes us, focusing on those positive aspects that led us to achieve what has been important to us.
The key is to be the best we can be, but respecting the way to go giving this process of personal transformation, away from demands on ourselves to achieve it before the time needed away from questions and criticism, just allowing love be the guide. To that extent, you go watching not only your relationship (which you have or the new you get) is pleasantly positive, but all other relations in general, flowing in freedom, peace and happiness.