How to Love without Attachments |
On many occasions you may have heard that to love others is essential to first love yourself because no one can give what he has not. In people who seem to love much the other to the detriment of their self-esteem there is a misreading of love and what they are doing is not really loving it necessitating another, which is very different. They would be guided by fear and based on this emotion is displayed jealousy, addictions, emotional dependence, etc. Fear might be for fear that you stop loving or fear of abandonment or not occupy an important place in the life of the other person’s place. Then begins to demand attention somehow to her and her life begins to revolve around each other, which can not bring anything positive because the person would be subordinating their happiness to what the other does or does not do, in other words, It would be dependent on an external source to feel at ease.
So usually insecure and dependent person appear thousands of excuses to avoid going into their inner world, recognize their weaknesses and take responsibility itself for them is more convenient to blame others for what is wrong in their own experiences . Repeated complaints such as: “What happens is that in my childhood did not receive love from my parents, that’s why I hardly love you ” or “Men / women paid me wrong love, then why do not trust no one”. These statements reflect a negative attitude and victim, why it is that it perpetuates those negative experiences. To transform a situation into a positive start is needed to adopt a new attitude. Following these examples, it is more imagine and say firmly: “I am responsible for my life and what you choose, I free myself from the past and already decided to love me all the time and space,” “Fortunately all people are not equal . If in a relationship was not as I expected, maybe in another feel more affinity and compactness. Whenever I have the option to choose who you want to be. “
So, let loose once and for all the excuses! Start doing something now to improve your love life. It may be a small change, but doing it every day with perseverance, perseverance and gradually start to notice results in this case, improving your relationships. For example: If you keep busy all day and do not take out time for what you generates pleasure (which to some extent is a sign of lack of love), begins 15 minutes a day to relax or have fun, after a week increases to 20 minutes a day, the next 25 and so on; if you keep figuring out some way where your partner is, what he is doing and with whom (signal attachment), starts just by asking where he was, what he was doing, but adding how he was in their activities, days or after weeks just ask how he was and encourage him to tell you what he wants openly; if you’re too hard on yourself and you usually treat you badly when you make a mistake, start by stop to say negative words and reflect on what is what could have happened, days or weeks later includes a positive statement later added to the positive phrase over positive mental image of yourself, later laugh from those mistakes and look at you with eyes of love, encouragement date knowing that every time you’ll do better; if for example, you tend to bother you when your partner is late or engages in matters other than spending time with you, start by decreasing the amount of claims that will do it for this reason, if so be it , the day starts spend that time on something you can enjoy being alone or with a family member or other than your partner, days or weeks person then begins you to ask you a little more space (not go to the other end) to carry out an personal project you’re passionate about, etc.
While every relationship is unique, you can inspire some that despite the difficulties have gone ahead, avoiding judgments only way to reflection so that you formes your own criteria and choose what resonates with your heart.
Observe other relationships can show you items to consider:
Guillermina Valdes is an actress, model and entrepreneur in Argentina. He had 3 children with TV producer Sebastián Ortega, son of singer “Palito Ortega”. He later left him and started a new relationship with businessman Marcelo Tinelli, who bore him a son and who already had 4 children as a result of previous relationships. Later they had a temporary separation due mainly to the occupations of each and soon they shared. However, after a few months they reconciled. They have gotten along well with the children of their partners, so in that sense they have not had problems in coexistence. But acknowledges that it has been a jealous person. He says that there have been women who have written to her husband, which has displeased him enough. Somehow this has been related to their tendency to stick to the partner with whom you are, to necessarily interested in relationships that endure, to affect long separations, at the same time be very sensitive and idealistic. Attachment it also manifested in the relationship with their children, being quite protective and motherly. When his children were young slowed his career while caring. Until later he acknowledged that a good mother needed to be a satisfied mother also taking time to develop their personal projects and so, when considered appropriate resumed his profession. Currently, he likes to practice yoga, painting and skating. She and her partner have chosen to follow in the relationship but living on different floors in the same building but without leaving the habit of sleeping every night together, either in the department of him or her. While some consider strange the way to live, she has felt at ease because they have a very good relationship besides spending time with each of their children and yet, both he and she have their own space, which among other He indicates things she knew to manage their levels of attachment. For his part, it does not intend to live as before in the same place, as though they believe likely, they happen later without forcing anything. It feels great as they are now knowing that their relationship is based on love.
British actress Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael Douglas met in 1998 during the presentation of a film and after talks began to fall in love. After two years married and had two children. Today, after more than 15 years of marriage they have shown that despite the difference in age (he is over twenty years her senior) and the crises that have gone through have come forward and have remained together, something unusual happens in couples who are in the world of entertainment. He says he has learned from within your home a happy wife means a happy life and she says her rewarding relationship is also due chemistry and the great love they have, the fact that there is among them respect and that each is given its own space. Also it mentions that it was important to keep a good sense of humor and share time together but still retain the individual space of each, which is possible to the extent that free dependencies or addictions are alive. On the other hand, as a couple they have been able to support each other in both the “good” times and in the most difficult. For example, together they battled throat cancer that was diagnosed with Michaell more than seven years ago. She was at her side an eye on him throughout the medical treatment. At the same time, they were able to overcome the various rumors of people. Also, when she was admitted to the clinic for severe depression he suffered, he made continuous support him and gave him all her love. Throughout the relationship they had a short separation, but again reunited. That time was dedicated to be alone to reflect on your marriage and then resumed their relationship. He said that difficult times were just like any other couple that crosses, but they were back together and stronger than ever. This couple is interested in each other’s welfare and want to continue enjoying life.
As can be seen in both cases, there has been a short separation, but only momentary, which took in some way to take a “break” in the midst of stress and some conflicts that for some reason had to face. Finally, the difficulties allowed to mature love relationship and maintain the union. Also, in both examples, the space that each has given himself has been important and has influenced the relationship is maintained over time, which would have been quite difficult if there are attachments through or at least attachments unresolved or without the decision to change.
Amando each release, cultivating peace and joy inside, meeting the needs of oneself and not in need of anyone to the alternate will is the real way to maintain a relationship where the enjoyment becomes a habit and matures and becomes stronger union.