Relationships and True Love – By Eckhart Tolle
During his travels, one of the questions most have done to Eckhart’s close friend, Kim Eng, is “How does it feel to be in a relationship with an enlightened being?” Why that question? Perhaps they think that’s an ideal relationship, and want to know more about it. Perhaps they imagine themselves in the future, when they also are in a relationship and are themselves through the relationship.
How does it feel to be in a relationship with an enlightened being?
Whenever I think of the phrase “I have a relationship” or “I’m in a relationship,” no matter who, I suffer. It’s what I learned.
Following the concept of “relationship” come expectations, memories of past relationships, and conditioned and personal on how to be a relationship mental concepts. Then you try to bring these concepts to reality, and it never works, at the end, again comes suffering. The crux of the matter is that: No relationships. There is only now, the present moment, and the moment everything is relative. That is, everything is “normal”.
How we relate, or rather how we love, it depends on how clear we are empty and concepts, ideas and expectations. What is conventionally called “love” is a selfish strategy of human beings to help but to oneself, that is, surrender, surrender. Selfishness use the other person as a substitute for not having to surrender. The Spanish language is the more honest about this, we use the same word to say “I love you ” and “I love you “. With “I love you” and we say both.
For the ego, love and love are the same thing, while true love does not want that. You do not want to own or want to change your partner. The ego sees someone and makes it special, “that girl is very special to me”, “this guy has it all, it ‘s special for me.” The ego uses that person to fill the constant feeling of discontent, “not enough”, anger and hatred, which are closely related. These are facets of a deeply rooted in human feeling, and that is inseparable from the ego state.
When the ego sees something and says “I love” this or that, is an unconscious cover or remove this deep feeling that always accompanies the ego attempt: discontent, unhappiness, the sense of failure that is so familiar.
For a certain time, the illusion actually works. But then, inevitably at some point, the person you chose or made special in your eyes, stop being your cushion for pain, hatred, dissatisfaction or unhappiness. All this is caused by feelings of inadequacy.
Then the feeling was hidden emerges, and is projected in the person we choose and special made, which you thought was the ultimate and “save you”. Suddenly love turns into hatred. The ego does not realize that hatred is a projection of universal pain you feel inside. The ego “believes” that person is causing the pain. He does not realize that pain is a universal feeling caused by not being connected with the deepest level of your being, and this is: Being in communion with oneself.
Only surrender and surrender can give you what you’re looking at the goal of love. The ego tells you that because you love that person surrender is not necessary, it is an unconscious process of course. The moment you completely accept what is, as it is, something inside you that was hidden by the desire of ego emerges. It is an innate indwelling peace, stillness, vitality. Is unconditional, unconditional peace, which are in essence. It’s what you’ve been looking at the goal of love. You are yourself. When that happens, a complete and different kind of love is present, which is not subject to love / hate.
Whenever you accept what is, something deeper emerges from what is. So, you can fall prey to the deepest sorrow, external or internal, feeling more painful, the situation more terrible, and when you accept it, you will go beyond that , transcenderás situations. Even if you feel hate, when you accept what you are feeling, what you transcend. It will still be there, but suddenly you are in a deeper place no longer important.
The phenomena of the universe exist by the tension between opposites. Hot and cold, gain and loss, rise and fall, success and failure, the polarities are part of existence, and of course part of every relationship.